Saturday, June 04, 2005

Graham Norton for President!

If you've read this blog at all, you might have noticed that I do not think very highly of our current Commander in Chimp, George W. (That means two U's, because U's used to look like V's, like in that I, CLAVDIVS thing all them smart people watched on Masterpiece Theatre with Louis Rukeyser, all about them crazy emperors that they had way back in ancient Rome.) Bush.

If you've read carefully, you may have noticed that I think highly of John Kerry, mostly only by comparison to George W. Bush. John Kerry has a few admirable character traits and served his country honorably in Vietnam; George W. Bush has nothing but a folksy way of conning relating to people.

So, whom do I suggest for the office of President of the United States of America? I submit my nomination of Mr. Graham Norton.

Graham Norton for Prez!

There are a few factors working against Graham Norton. His name recognition among American voters is not very high, particularly since he has never held any statewide or federal elected office. There's also the problem of Article II, Section 1 — the very same provision that keeps Governor Ahnold Schwarzenegger from True Lying his way to the Presidency! However, I'm sure that he would be willing to become a citizen in order to serve the people of his adopted homeland, if he hasn't moved back to London or something. In addition, he is a true Washington outsider, unlike the son of a President or the son of a diplomat. Besides that, he's actually from Ireland, which automatically makes him really sexy — he even pronounces his R's!

The idea came to me one night as I was watching The Graham Norton Effect on Comedy Central (unsolicited endorsement). Whom would I rather have running my country, George Bush or Graham Norton? I sat right down at the computer and ordered the bumper sticker shown above.

(The sweatshirt is from the Randi Rhodes Show on Air America Radio [listen on KQKE 960, "The Quake"], and the buttons read: NO! on Prop 64 LaRouche Initiative ∗ Don't Blame Me I Voted Labour [vintage pre-Tony-Blair] ∗ Impeach Reagan ∗ California Über Alles [vintage pre-Ahnold] ∗ Anyone But Bush 2004 ∗ Born Again Pagan ∗ US Out of Central America — No More Vietnams! ∗ Noriega/Bush '88 — Make the Connection! ∗ Every Day Is Human Rights Day ∗ Dukakis/Bentsen.)