Monday, October 05, 2015


The Funds and the Furious: Trevor Noah transcript

This is an unauthorized rush transcript of the second half of the lead segment of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, 2015-10-05.

The Funds and the Furious: Trevor Noah literally puts words in politicians' mouths

[intro regarding the remarkable success right-wing Republicans have had over the last few years in curbing a woman's Constitutionally guaranteed right to have an abortion; transcript begins at approximately time stamp 5:05]

Trevor Noah: It's truly amazing how much the Pro-Lifers have been able to accomplish in the anti-abortion fights. Just imagine what they could do with an issue where the facts are on their side! Yes, yes, that is such a deep thing to think, but what other issue could appeal to those who love life??

[transcript continues with embedded video below]

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Thursday, July 02, 2015


Transcript: Jon Stewart on Donald Trump and the Media

Jon Stewart opened The Daily Show tonight (Thursday, 2015-07-02) with a segment about Donald Trump, his recent comments about immigrants coming in from or through Mexico, the media coverage, and the attempts by some politicians and Fox News talking heads to minimize what Trump actually said. The video and transcript follow, below the fold.

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Jon Stewart: ... I want to talk about one person who has been there for me, really throughout this whole run, but especially near the end of the run. His name is, uh, Donald. [applause] And he's a good man. And Donald recently glided back into my life on his solid gold up-and-down people mover, cranked up the unauthorized Neil Young, opened up his crazy hole, and made a promise to me that I would never be without material again.

Trump: When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. ... They're sending people that have lots of problems. And they're bringing those problems with us [sic]. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists, and some — I assume — are good people.
Stewart: That's our good friend Donald Trump, reminding America that as many as a handful of people [laughter] coming across our southern border are not rapists — he assumes. He's sure about the rapist part, but feels that — I guess by pure law of averages — there are probably some non-rapists caught up in that tide, whether they are unable to rape for medical reasons, or, uh, whether they are just all raped out. [laughter] As you can imagine, this statement from a [pauses, looks at notes] Republican Presidential candidate [stifles a laugh] — was noticed.

News announcers: — NBC announced their plans to cut all business ties to Donald Trump.

— Univision is dropping all ties with Donald Trump.

— Macy's joins the list...

— Add Serta mattress company to the list...

— Even Ricky Martin is yanking his foundation golf tournament off of a Trump property...
Stewart: I am shocked! [laughter] I am shocked — that so many people were OK doing business with Donald Trump, up to this point. But you know our P.C. culture: it immediately moves to shut controversial speakers up. And censor them. By interviewing them, everywhere, all the time.

News announcers: — But I want to know whether not you stick by these comments.

— Do you regret that you didn't have a script? Do you want to apologize for anything?

— Would you take any of that back?

— Do you regret saying that specifically about rapists, or do you stand by it?
Stewart: And before you answer, remember my question included the words "regret," "rapist," and "you" — which, in the news business, is called "a hint." [laughter] Now, obviously, Mr. Trump was speaking extemporaneously. Did Donald take this opportunity to walk back his comments? To express regret over misrepresenting the situation, of saying something inelegantly? Of course not. You know why he's not walking them back? Because walking is for Losers. Winners glide, usually down escalators, into malls.

Trump: — Of course they're criminals in many cases. Why would I change that statement?
— Some are good and some are rapists, and some are killers.
— I don't think it's a small percentage [of Mexicans who are good people]. It's a lot.
— And I'm not just talking Mexico, I'm talking about all over the world they're coming through the southern border.
— I'm not knocking anybody.
— If I were doing Mexico, I'd be sending the killers, the drug dealers, the rapists —
Stewart: It's an interesting glimpse into the policies of a possible Trump Presidency. [mocking Trump] You know, I would definitely and lawlessly put all my country's criminals on a bus, and send them to the next closest country to the north. I guess what I'm saying is: Suck on that, Canada. [normal voice] Now, I know it's a fools errand to try and disprove the ravings of a madman, but according to a study published in the peer-reviewed journal Criminology, there actually is NO correlation between increased immigration of ANY kind and increased rapes or violent crime. Apparently killing and hurting each other is one of those jobs Americans are still very willing to do themselves. Donald, can you point to ANYTHING that backs up your statement?

Trump: This was an article by Fusion. Somebody said Fusion is owned by Univision. This one says, "80% of Central American women and girls are raped [emphasis by Trump] crossing into the United States." 
Don Lemon, CNN: That's about women being raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border or entering the country. 
Trump: Somebody's doing the raping, Don — I mean, you know —
[Daily Show audience laughs]

Stewart: Touché. I believe we have our campaign slogan:

Now look: it's hard, it's hard, it is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo. It's a monkey. It's what they do. In some ways, it's on you for watching. What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.

Steve Ducey, Fox & Friends: you know, a lot of politicians would've apologized by now, and said, "Well, this is what I really meant..." That's really what he meant, largely. You know, there is a problem when the southern border is not secure.
Stewart: Nobody would be canceling their business with Donald Trump if he had said, in his speech,"You know, there's a problem when our southern borders are not secure," but That. Is Not. What he said.

Trump: When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. ... They're rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.
Stewart: He's still not even sure! [laughter] if some are good people!

Rep. Steve King (R–Iowa): Well, I think what happens is that it gets distorted, perhaps a little bit ... He didn't say most Mexicans were rapists. Umm, he said "They are" — he's speaking generally, speaking of the criminals that are doing this.
Stewart: I don't even know what that means. But I know that that's not what he said! Let me play this again at a speed even Steve King can understand:

Trump [slow playback]: They're rapists, and some, I assume are good people.
Stewart: [slowly] Get it, Steve? [normal voice] Do you understand?? That is what people are upset about. So, are we settled?

Fox & Friends: Should he apologize for what he said?
Sen. Ted Cruz (R–Texas): I don't think you should apologize for speaking out against the problem that is illegal immigration. I recognize that the P.C. world, the mainstream media, they don't want to admit it....
Stewart: That is such buzzword nothing bullshit! Who doesn't want to admit what?? One last time, let's get straight what Donald Trump said. All together now, follow the classy ball.

[graphic: Slandero Gigante (Difamación Gigante)]

Trump [with text on screen, karaoke style]: They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.
Stewart: Stop pretending!! he didn't say and is sticking to what he said, which is, Mexico is purposefully sending us drugs, killers, and rapists, and within that group, there may be — he's not sure! — some people who are good. That's the part he's not sure about. He's sure about the overwhelming number of killers and rapists and drug addicts Mexico has sent us. That is what he fuckin' said! But, the one good thing to come out of this, is that the farce of his candidacy is finally exposed, his unseriousness, on display for all people and voters to see, and the Results. Will. Be. Obvious.

news report: The billionaire has jumped to second place among Republicans in a recent national poll, also placing second in the first two critical battleground states of Iowa and New Hampshire.
Stewart: Fuck me. We'll be right back.

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Tuesday, February 10, 2015


Transcript: Bassem Youssef on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

On 2015-02-09, The Daily Show had a segment featuring Bassem Youssef (باسم يوسف), an Egyptian satirist whose program Al-Bernameg (The Programالبرنامج) was banned by Egyptian television. Bassem gave some background on US involvement in the Middle East, and some thoughts about how we should move forward.

Jon Stewart: Welcome back. Now that we know that everything we hold dear in this world ... is a lie!! — especially about the Middle East — it makes you wonder, what IS going on over there?

Wolf Blitzer, CNN, 2014-01-23: A wave of crises engulfing countries all across the Middle East...

Fox News, 2014-08-01: In the Middle East, things are just basically falling apart...

Fox News, 2015-01-21: Big trouble in the country of Yemen...

CNN, 2015-01-25: The growing terrorism problem in Egypt...

CNN, 2015-02-09: Very, very gruesome and ugly battle over there...

Jon Stewart: [thumbs up, ironic smile] Here to help us make sense of it all is Egypt's foremost political satirist, host of the now banned television program Al-Bernameg, Bassem Youssef. Bassem, thanks for joining us! Welcome!

Bassem Youssef: Thank you, good to be here!

Jon Stewart: Bassem, obviously right now, the Middle East, spiraling out of control, so tell me, what should America do about this?

Bassem Youssef: Well, how about [big smile] — nothing? [audience laughs & cheers] Oh, thank you. Yes, I feel the love. Yes.

Jon Stewart: I, uh ... okay, we haven't tried that one yet.

Bassem Youssef: Yeah, we noticed. How do you think our region got this way in the first place? For decades, America propped up a "Who's Who" of military and theocratic dictators. [photos of the Shah of Iran, King Fahd of Saudi Arabia, Saddam Hussein of Iraq, Hosni Mubarak of Egypt, and Gen. Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan] They gave you what you wanted: oil, airfields, oil, security arrangements, oil — and, let's not forget, [speaking softly, reaching across to Jon Stewart's hand] a few torture black sites.

Jon Stewart: Hey, hey! ... "Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?" [laughter]

Bassem Youssef: Ah, we know what you're into. "Mr. Grey will see you now..." [laughter] And in return, the dictators got someone their people could hate instead of them. When the garbage doesn't get picked up for a week back home, who do you think people blame?

Jon Stewart: I'm gonna go with the sanitation department.

Bassem Youssef: Exactly! We blame America. [laughter] So, you see, everybody gets what they want. It's a "win-win," Jon.

Jon Stewart: It's not a "win-win," Bassem. Not a "win-win." Not for the people; for them, it's a "lose-lose," and then no garbage pickup "lose."

Bassem Youssef: Oh, "the people" [scoffs]. You don't want them choosing their own government.

Jon Stewart: No! I — I don't??

Bassem Youssef: What if they elect someone America doesn't want? If you had a friend who was a manager at Best Buy, but he's always a total asshole, would you want him fired?

Jon Stewart: [hesitates] I mean, if I would lose my "friends and family" discount ... Ohhh. [laughter] You're saying the next guy might make us pay retail.

Bassem Youssef: If he even lets you in the store, Jon.

Jon Stewart: Well, you know what? That's okay. The people choose the wrong government ... we'll help them get it right. We'll send in a few tanks, maybe some boots on the ground, some advisors, you know, to ...

Bassem Youssef: Are you listening to yourself, Jon? Let it go. ♬ Let it go, let it go, slam the door and ... ♬

Jon Stewart: [covering his ears] I thought drones were the worst thing we exported to that region. That's ... whooo!

Bassem Youssef: The princess, she's the devil!

Jon Stewart: I know.

Bassem Youssef: Seriously, though, you can't let it go. America is like a dog with a hot spot on its butt, called the Middle East. And you think you have to keep licking it, but you're just making it worse! [laughter]

Jon Stewart: Are you saying — are you saying that America has to —

Bassem Youssef: Uh huh, yes! [brings out plastic cone]

Jon Stewart: Oh no, not the cone!

Bassem Youssef: You need the cone, Jon. America needs the cone. Yes.

Jon Stewart: We can't wear the cone! Son of a bitch! [applause and laughter] Wait a minute!

Bassem Youssef: What?

Jon Stewart: You're doing it, too! You're blaming America!

Bassem Youssef: What, me??

Jon Stewart: Yes! You are. You're pretending that we're responsible for all the Middle East's problems.

Bassem Youssef: [scoffs] No.

Jon Stewart: Admit it! That "hotspot on our butt" was festering before we even licked it!

Bassem Youssef: Gross! Ewwww!

Jon Stewart: Quit blaming the dog! The metaphor was yours. Look: America didn't create all the corruption that cripples Middle Eastern governments. We didn't establish the entire patriarchy or the medieval justice systems. You know what? I got a song for you, buddy! ♬ I'm so fancy ♬ No, that's not it. [laughter] [slaps desk] ♬ We didn't start the fire... ♬ — 'cause it was all fucked up before we even got there!

Bassem Youssef: Let it go!

Jon Stewart: Oh, stop! I'll ask you one more time: what should America do?

Bassem Youssef: Okay. We want you to fuck off and leave us alone. [cheers and applause]

Jon Stewart: All right. You know what? Fine! Fine. Done!

Bassem Youssef: Yeah! [pause] But not right away. [laughter] We could still use the aid money. And a few weapons. And some investments. What I'm saying is, if you could fuck gradually off, that would work better for everybody.

Jon Stewart: Bassem Youssef, everybody.
Click below for the full transcript in English • انقر هنا للحصول على النص الكامل باللغة الإنجليزية ...
#DailyShow #MiddleEast #BassemYoussef #باسم_يوسف

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Thursday, September 25, 2014


Jon Stewart rips Congress and the media for ducking the ISIS war debate

On tonight’s Daily Show with Jon Stewart, the first segment, “The Way We War,” was devoted to Jon Stewart venting his frustration that the Congress won't even talk about the war against ISIS, and the news media is doing anything but hold their feet to the fire. Embedded video and an unauthorized transcript follow, after the fold. (update: attributions clarified, with several names added; still don't know the name of the reporter who asked Speaker Boehner about Congress’ role)

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This is an unauthorized rush transcript of the lead segment of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Thursday, September 25, 2014 (2014-09-25). [Source video copyright ©2014 Comedy Central]

Jon Stewart: Breaking news today: Attorney General Eric Holder stepping down after nearly six years on the job.

President Obama: Eric has agreed to stay on as attorney general until I nominate a successor and that successor is confirmed by the Senate.

Stewart: [exaggeratedly] So. he. will. never. leave. [laughter] Because not only is Congress slow to move on any confirmation hearings, currently they're. busy. shitting. their. pants.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), 2014-09-20: ISIS is a threat.

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY, Senate Minority Leader), 2014-08-28: They have the potential to hit us here at home.

Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA), 2014-09-21: They have killed thousands, they are marching on...

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), 2014-09-21: We can't bury our head in the sands [sic] on this...

Sen. Kay Hagan (D-NC), 2014-09-03: Action must be taken.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), 2014-09-14: This President needs to rise to the occasion before we all get killed back here at home!

Stewart: [affecting a Southern belle] All of us killed! ALL of us!! We'll be as dead as the art of how to properly squire a lady at cotillion. [stage whisper] (Always bring an extra pair of gloves, for punch can spill!)

So, we appear to be facing an existential threat, urging the President to act, but I was under the impression CONGRESS could also do something about this. Like, uh, uh, Declare. War.

television reporter on C-SPAN, 2014-09-11, to Rep. John Boehner (R-OH, Speaker of the House): If the Congress is such an equal partner — as it is — why not write a resolution on your own?

Speaker Boehner: Typically, in my time here in Congress, that's NOT how this has happened. [... flash cut ...] The President of the United States would REQUEST that support, AND would supply the wording of a resolution to authorize this force. And at this point in time we've not gotten that request, we've not seen that language.

Stewart: We would LOVE to help stop the greatest threat our country has ever known — [laughter] — but not if it means we're going to be RUDE. We're not gonna be rude! That would be gauche. But at least Congress can agree on one thing... [sigh/laugh] I'm just kidding; they can't.

Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV, Senate Majority Leader), 2014-09-10: [
on the Senate floor] The President HAS the authority he needs now to act against ISIS.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) on Fox News, 2014-09-10: The President should come to Congress and ASK for authorization...

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), 2014-09-11: [
from the Capitol building] The President has the authority to immediately act... [sic, split infinitive and all]

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) on Andrea Mitchell Reports on MSNBC, 2014-08-29: I think the President has to come to Congress.

Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) on Andrea Mitchell Reports on MSNBC, 2014-09-11: I believe he [President Obama] has the authority to move on it.

Leader McConnell (R-KY), 2014-09-09: [with other Republican Senators behind him] The President should be seeking Congressional approval, PERIOD.

Stewart: It is so heartening to see Congress, usually gridlocked along partisan lines, finally reaching across the aisle and COMING TOGETHER to get nothing done. [laughter] Or, is there something else going on here?

Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD) on C-SPAN, 2014-09-12: I think, at some point in time, when we come back, after the elections, I think there will be a CONSIDERATION of a larger authorization for the use of force.

Stewart: AFTER the midterms! We'll do it after the midterms! We won't deal with the country's Existential Threat until Congress deals with ITS Existential Threat. All right.

[graphic: map of Syria indicating recent bombing sites, a warplane, and the Capitol dome; caption: THE WAY WE WAR]

So, what we've got here is an incredibly complicated Constitutional conundrum — what James Madison in Federalist #51 referred to as "a total pigf*#k." [laughter] WHICH branch of government has the power to take us to war?? Is this even a "war" at all? If it isn't a war, then what is it?? NOW is the time for an adult conversation about how our government makes its most important decisions and functions in crisis. And to lead that discussion, I give you Our National Media.

Bill O'Reilly, The O'Reilly Factor, Fox News, 2014-09-24: [video of President Obama stepping out of the Marine One Presidential helicopter, saluting two Marines while holding a cup in his right hand and fixing his suit with his left hand, caption: LATTE SALUTE]: President Obama's so-called "latte salute"...

voiceover, Al Jazeera English, undated: [similar video footage] Holding a coffee cup in his right hand....

Megyn Kelly, The Kelly File, Fox News, undated: The great coffee escapade...

Rev. Al Sharpton, Politics Nation, MSNBC, undated: "Coffee-gate"

voiceover, Fox 5 New York, [similar video footage, caption: THE "COFFEE" SALUTE] President Obama in hot water....

voiceover, The Five, Fox News, undated: [similar video footage] Some people think it was disrespectful...

voiceover, Al Jazeera English: Hashtag #LatteSalute

Ronan Farrow, Ronan Farrow Daily, MSNBC, 2014-09-24: [caption: "Controversy in a cup: Latte Salute"] The coffee salute — went viral.

Andrea Mitchell, Andrea Mitchell Reports, MSNBC, undated: [caption: "Strike on Syria: U.S. launched more strikes in Syria and Iraq overnight"] This is blowing up online...

Stewart: We are so fucked! [laughter] I don't even know what to do. [cheering] First of all, we're currently fighting — if I may say — so, apparently we're currently fighting ISIS and Ebola, two things that are LITERALLY "blowing up" and "going viral." So, if you're NOT going to cover the important stuff, at least don't use words that REMIND US of the important stuff you're not covering.

[graphic: Obama and Marines cut out and dropped against the Presidential seal, caption: CUP IN THE AIR]

Okay, now, to be fair, latte-gate wasn't ALL the news talked about yesterday, but where I might have given the President salutes with coffee cups an espresso-sized shot of attention, the news channels went for the full double venti coverage, with ONE network going ESPECIALLY deep.

[quick succession of video clips: News Nation with Tamron Hall, CNN political commentator Margaret Hoover, abc7 NYC "The World News Now Mix", CNN clip, Today Show with caption: President's "coffee cup" salute draws criticism]

Sandra Smith, The Five, Fox News, 2014-09-24: LEARN the proper respect of the salute...

Karl Rove, Fox News, 2014-09-23, 10:19p EDT/7:19p PDT: [caption: "Unpresidential"] It's insensitive!

Stuart Varney, Fox News, "Minding your Business" segment, 2014-09-24, 12:28p EDT/9:28a PDT: [caption: Pres. Obama saluted Marines using a coffee cup in his right hand] What's the meaning of it?? That's it...

Brian Kilmeade, Fox & Friends, Fox News, 2014-09-24: It looks terrible...

Dr. Keith Ablow, Fox News, 2014-09-24, 12:27p EDT/9:27a PDT: [credited as "Fox News Medical A-Team" on "Minding your Business" segment] It's outlandish! And it's disappointing...

Steve Doocy, Fox & Friends, Fox News: PUT your coffee in the other hand...

Sean Hannity, Hannity, Fox News: Our commander-in-chief displayed his COMPLETE disrespect for the men and women in uniform...

Stewart: [stage whisper] Shut! Up! [cheers and applause] You don't really care — [cheers and applause] You don't really care about this. You have no principle about this. You're just trying to score points in a game that no one else is playing. Here's how we know:

Eric Bolling, The Five, Fox News, 2014-09-24: [caption: Criticism brewing over Pres Obama's informal salute to Marines while holding a latte] It's an arrogance that he portrays [... flash cut ...] These people put their lives on the line for us — [female voiceover: You're right!] — show the respect, salute these guys.

Stewart: So, the principle here is "Show respect for the people who are putting their lives on the line for this fight." Here's Eric Bolling on that VERY SAME episode:

Kimberly Guilfoyle, "One More Thing" segment: [caption: UAE's 1st female fighter pilot was country's team leader in Syria strikes; still photo montage of fighter pilot giving thumb's up, etc.] The first female pilot flying for the U.A.E. [United Arab Emirates] [... flash cut ...] dropped the bombs on ISIS on Monday night [... flash cut ...]

Eric Bolling: Would that be considered "boobs on the ground," or no?

Stewart: First of all, FORGET the rapant sexism in that statement. Second of all, she's a PILOT, so whatever gender-specific equipment she might be carrying — is in the fuckin' air! [laughter] And thirdly, what was the quote that someone said earlier in your program? These people are putting their LIVES ON THE LINE for us; show RESPECT. So, FUCK YOU and all your false patriotism! [cheering] When Bush took us to war, [cheering continues] any criticism was shouted down as TREASONOUS. When Bush took us to war, any criticism was shouted down as treasonous, but a President YOU don't like has the country poised on the same precipice, and no transgression — no matter how IMMATERIAL and RIDICULOUS — is too small to cite as evidence that this President "isn't as American" as you are. You want a hot cup of cognitive dissonance? Watch this!

Sean Hannity, Hannity, Fox News, 2014-09-23, 10:19p EDT, split screen with guest Karl Rove: Would President Bush ever DO THAT??

Karl Rove: Yeah, are we surprised? [flash cut in background video as it loops] I mean, we've got a chai-swillin', golf-playin', basketball trash-talkin', uh, "leadin' from behind," "I got no strategy," uh, "Osama bin Laden is dead, GM is alive," community-organizing commander-in-chief. HOW DISRESPECTFUL WAS THAT?

Stewart: Yeah, yeah, now, while "Palin-in-a-bald-cap" [Karl Rove] was feeding us a steaming bowl of liberal epithets, [mockingly] "He drinks chai!" So that means when he sucks dick in the back of a Volvo, it has that "cardamom zing"!

But in their haste, they forgot to ANSWER THE QUESTION: Would. President. Bush. ever salute the troops with a cup of coffee in his hand?? And the answer is NO!, because HIS HANDS were too filled with DOG [photo of President Bush holding one of his dogs while saluting] — a SCOTTIE, out of RESPECT. So, here we've got two Presidents, both sending the United States to war, citing the same legal authorities, BOTH, without any seeming exit strategy, and both holding shit in their hands while saluting our troops.

But in their diseased minds [photos of Keith Ablow, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove, and Steve Doocy], ONLY ONE did that because he loved America. The OTHER did it because HE HATED IT!

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Transcript: Capt. Ron Johnson press conf in Ferguson MO 2:21 A.M. 2014-08-19

[updated 5:25 A.M. CDT, with improved link to video clip]

Captain Ron Johnson of the Missouri Highway Patrol made a statement and answered some questions at an impromptu press conference at 2:21 A.M. on Tuesday, August 19, 2014, regarding the events of Monday night. You can watch the video here on St. Louis; what follows below the fold is a transcript of the whole thing. I have added emphasis in an attempt to reflect Capt. Johnson's vocal inflection.
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Friday, June 20, 2014


Transcript of Jon Stewart and Hamid al-Bayati 2014-06-19

Jon Stewart's guest on the 2014-06-19 episode of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was Hamid al-Bayati, who served as Iraq's permanent respresentative to the U.N. from 2006 to 2013. They talked about recent events in Iraq. Embedded video and transcript of the broadcast segment, and links to the extended interview on the Comedy Central website, after the fold.

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Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Debunking an "Obama is anti-Christianity" screed

A Facebook friend of mine recently posted a link to a list of supposedly SHOCKING!! quotes from President Barack Obama, with 20 quotes about Christianity and 20 quotes about Islam, supposedly demonstrating his hostility to the first and devotion to the second. I called him on it, and asked him to show me one single quote from the list and show how it demonstrates bias in any way. He couldn't, and yet he still maintains that somehow I am confused in not seeing the apparently obvious fact that Obama is the essence of evil, aiming to destroy the Christian heritage that made America great, or something like that.

Here is my point-by-point refutation of those claims, leaving them as a smoldering ruin.

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Monday, April 22, 2013


Transcript: Colbert’s Take on the Bush Presidential Library

Stephen Colbert did a segment on Monday’s 2013‑04‑22 Colbert Report about the dedication of the George W. Bush Presidential Library in Dallas on 2013‑04‑25 and its subsequent opening to the public on 2013‑05‑01.

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[clip from CNN, 4:57 PM: the George W. Bush Library will open to the public on Wednesday, May 1st, 2013‑05‑01.]

That’s right: May 1st, 10 years to the day since George Bush famously landed on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln and declared “Mission Accomplished.” Which means the library will be finished in another 8½ years. Nation, I am so pumped! Because this thing is gonna be packed with Bush-nography: [quoting ABC-6 Action News from WPVI‑TV in Philadelphia] “More than 43,000 artifacts and 200 million e-mails will be on display…” And those 200 million e-mails could have almost eighteen non-redacted words. But that's not even the best part!

[clip from MSNBC] Would you have invaded Iraq if you were President? Or, would you bail out Wall Street? Former President George W. Bush wants to know what you would’ve done; it’s all part of this new interactive theater that’s featured in the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museums…

Yes, the library includes interactive role-playing where the President hands over the reins of power to someone else, just like he did when he was President. [photo of Dick Cheney] Like, uh, what’s it like? It’s like a Presidential “choose your own adventure.” [referencing The New York Times,] I mean, would you deploy federal troops after Hurricane Katrina or rely on local forces? Would you bail out Wall Street or let the banks fail? Would you invade Iraq or leave Saddam Hussein in power? I mean, it really gives you perspective. I mean, let’s see you sift through mountains of intelligence saying Saddam didn’t have weapons of mass destruction to find the one memo that implies that he might. But, folks, as excited as I am, I must confess that there is one thing that deeply disappoints me about the Bush Library: I am not invited to Thursday’s [2013‑04‑25] dedication.

[audience:] Awwwwwwww.

Thank you. And I am hurt, on my inside feeling parts. I mean, at the end of this man’s Presidency, even as my fellow conservatives  were abandoning Bush like rats from a sinking ship on a crash course with Cat Island! I remained faithful. And I’m sure he knows that, from the warrantless wiretaps he authorized. But that’s okay, Mr. President, I forgive you. And I will be there on Day One. And so should you, Nation; you can buy your tickets online now. Of course, some of them will be for the Bush Presidential Library and some of them will be for the Gore Presidential Library, but the ticket counters will read them all as Bush.

We’ll be right back.


Monday, November 12, 2012


Transcript: Huckabee on Daily Show

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, now a host on the Fox News Channel, was Jon Stewart's guest on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, discussing politics, religion, and their intersection. The full transcript appears below the fold, with embedded video.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Transcript: Dan Rather on The Daily Show

TV news icon Dan Rather — my brother's former boss — was the guest on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, talking about “liberal media bias” and the politicization of TV news. The embedded video clip and full transcript follow below the fold.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012



Errata • أخطاء مطبعية

The telephone area code website, on the Africa page, lists +212 52 as a telephone prefix for several places in southern Morocco. It previously included an incorrect listing for ⴰⵝⴰⴷⵉⵔ, ⵓⵎⵔⵔⵓⴽ. That listing should have indicated ⴰⴳⴰⴷⵉⵔ, ⵍⵎⴻⵖⵔⵉⴱ (ⴰⵎⴻⵔⵔⵓⴽ). regrets the error, and apologizes to anyone who may have been seeking telephone information about ⵍⵎⴻⵖⵔⵉⴱ in ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵜ, ⵜⴰⵙⴻⵍⵃⵉⵜ, ⵜⴰⵔⵉⴼⵉⵜ, ⵜⴰⵇⴱⴰⵢⵍⵉⵜ, or ⵜⵉⴼⵉⵏⴰⵖ. The errors have now been corrected.

Interestingly, was the only place on the Internet that the misspelling “ⴰⵝⴰⴷⵉⵔ” appeared, at least as far as Google could tell. Note also that ⴰⵎⴻⵔⵔⵓⴽ (امهرروک) should not be confused with أمريكا.

Annotated version:

The telephone area code website, on the Africa page, lists +212 52 as a telephone prefix for several places in southern Morocco. It previously included an incorrect listing for ⴰⵝⴰⴷⵉⵔ, ⵓⵎⵔⵔⵓⴽ [Athadir, Morocco, written in North African Berber Tifinagh alphabet, with the country name spelled in Algerian dialect]. That listing should have indicated ⴰⴳⴰⴷⵉⵔ, ⵍⵎⴻⵖⵔⵉⴱ (ⴰⵎⴻⵔⵔⵓⴽ) [Agadir, Elmeɣrib (Elmeghrib) (Amerruk) — Morocco as spelled in Moroccan Berber]. regrets the error, and apologizes to anyone who may have been seeking telephone information about ⵍⵎⴻⵖⵔⵉⴱ [Elmeghrib, or Morocco] in ⵜⴰⵎⴰⵣⵉⵖⵜ [Tamazight, or Central Atlas Berber], ⵜⴰⵙⴻⵍⵃⵉⵜ [Tashelhiyt, or Shilha Berber], ⵜⴰⵔⵉⴼⵉⵜ [Tarifit, or Rifian Berber], ⵜⴰⵇⴱⴰⵢⵍⵉⵜ [Taqbaylit, or Kabyle Berber (Algeria)], or ⵜⵉⴼⵉⵏⴰⵖ [Tifinagh, the Berber name for the Berber alphabet]. The errors have now been corrected.

Interestingly, was the only place on the Internet that the misspelling “ⴰⵝⴰⴷⵉⵔ[“Athadir”] appeared, at least as far as Google could tell. Note also that ⴰⵎⴻⵔⵔⵓⴽ [Amerruk, western Berber spelling of Morocco] (امهرروک) [Amerruk, written in Arabic script] should not be confused with أمريكا [Amrika, Arabic for America].

…and just in case you see a bunch of boxes above instead of funky Berber words, here’s what it should look like:

Monday, January 30, 2012


Transcript: Lou Dobbs on The Daily Show

Jon Stewart’s guest on tonight’s Daily Show was the Fox Business Channel’s own Lou Dobbs. They talked about capitalism, democracy, Occupy Wall Street, and Republican primaries. Embedded video and a complete transcript of the extended interview follow, after the fold.
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Thursday, November 17, 2011


Analysis of Ranked-Choice Voting: SF D.A. 2011

The bulk of the media attention to last week's local election in San Francisco has been directed at the mayoral race — the first competitive contest under both public financing and ranked-choice voting (RCV). However, digging a bit beneath the surface of the election of the District Attorney sheds some light on how RCV played out. I was able to download the entirety of the ballots from a public website. To be clear, I cannot tell how a specific person voted; however, I can tell you exactly how many people voted for Bill Fazio in 1st place, George Gascón in 2nd place, and David Onek in 3rd place: 1,055. I can also tell you that the progressives who supported the ticket of Onek–Bock–Fazio (recommended by the San Francisco Bay Guardian/ and others) had the unintended effect of helping George Gascón to an easy win. Although she was the second choice of the "anybody but Gascón" crowd, Sharmin Bock's core supporters clearly were not fully on board with the concept.

An important caveat is that the data I downloaded were preliminary results, and do not include the last 2,603 ballots (1.39%) to be processed.

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Tuesday, November 08, 2011


Transcript: Bill Clinton on The Daily Show

Bill Clinton was the featured guest on tonight's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on Comedy Central. The extended interview is in 3 segments, embedded video below, with the transcript of part 1 after the jump. Parts 2 and 3 of the transcript will be added tomorrow. Update: transcript of all 3 segments completed.

Copyright ©2011 Comedy Central, all rights reserved. Transcript presented under "fair use" in the furtherance of political discourse.
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