Bush's only possible exit strategy

I'm not normally prone to helping alleged President Bush with a political problem, but what the heck, I helped that pigeon escape from a plastic grocery bag one time even though I refer to pigeons as "rats with wings." I mean, really, you gotta feel a little bit sorry for poor Georgie, having his whole self-image implode with the sudden intrusion of reality.

Right now, George W. Bush is having a terr'ble time because of this ruckus about his bold, forward-looking, decisive incomprehensible blunder of appointing an obviously underqualified personal crony to the Supreme Court. I mean, what's he going to do? Hold up the hearings until the Senate takes a break and put Harriet Miers on the Supreme Court as a recess appointment?

Okay, there's only one way to pull it off without setting a new record for longest lame-duck term in the history of the Presidency. You give a speech on national television in which you admit that appointing Harriet Miers was a mistake — and that appointing Michael Brown was a mistake, and that many people believe you have made other serious mistakes — and you make a show of consulting with Senators of both parties before picking a replacement nominee. (Harriet, dear, you could make it easier for the man you worship by suddenly developing an urgent ingrown toenail, but really, it would be better for him and better for the nation if he does it himself.) Just don't try to imitate Tricky Dick's "Checkers" speech; the parallels are already alarming enough.

Harriet Miers has only slightly better odds of being confirmed by the Senate than I would, if the difference between snowball in hell and zero really means anything to you. [My law degree is from HP LaserJet. Perhaps you know some of our famous alumni: Torcious Liddy-Gater, Abie S. Corpus, and the whole Comitatus Posse.]

Coming soon: my advice to Governor Schwarzenegger (I'll even be polite and spell his name correctly!) on how to distance himself from Hurricane Dubya before his poll numbers go below sea level.