Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Jack Van Impe on Jimmy Kimmel Live

You may not know televangelist Jack Van Impe, but I grew up in the Bible Belt, so I know a fair number of televangelists from many years of late-night television in the B.C. (Before Cable) years. ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live on Tuesday night featured a clip of Jack Van Impe Presents on the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Jack Van Impe: I saw the other day where one of these Amishmen had on the back of his cart — because they don't believe in automobiles — "Be careful not to step in the exhaust." [doubles over laughing]

Rexella Van Impe (Jack's wife): Oh, that's pretty good! [Heh, heh, you talked about horse doo-doo on television, Jack!]

JVI: Because it was pulled by horses!
Good grief — someone who makes George W. Bush look bright, but even Jack Van Impe can't make Pat Robertson look like a true Christian.

Here's my impression of the generic televangelist, an amalgam of the many different ministries I have seen infesting the airwaves over the years:
Praise the Lord! I can feel someone out there, possibly someone on a fixed income, reaching for your checkbook, or even better your credit card, to send me one hundred dollars to receive the Blessings of the Lord and to pay for a tank and a half of gas for my limo or my gold-plated convertible. If you send me lots of money, I will pray for Jeeeee-zus to bless you with the bountiful abundance that is His plan for everyone who joins Him in supporting my opulent lifestyle.