Friday, November 04, 2005

Comedy Central devastated by rift between anchors

In an exclusive breaking news story, The Third Path has learned from highly placed sources in the West Wing (not to name names, but do the initials "Bradley Whitford" mean anything to you?) that Comedy Central is in disarray because of a massive rift between its two primary news anchors, Jon Stewart of The Colbert Réport and Stephen Colbert of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The rift is said to have begun when Colbert, in the intro to Thursday night's Mud Wrestling with Wolf Blitzer, said, "And I quote." Oh, no, sorry, I mean, he said, and I quote, "Get on your tippie-toes, America: you must be this tall to ride the Truth-coaster."

The callous remark was clearly intended as a slight to Jon Stewart, whose puny girth is only exceeded by his height — because he's skinny! (Get it? He's not fat!! He's short, but he's taller than he is wide. Ha, ha, skinny short guy!) In a match-up with the Incredible Hulk, or even The Tick, Stewart would have nothing but brains and wit to aid him in the exciting struggle to the death, televised for your basic cable enjoyment.

Rob Corddry, older brother of veteran news correspondent Nate Corddry, is rumored to be brokering a peace agreement between Jøn Stewårt and Stéphén Cólbért, but neither Camp David nor Neverland Ranch (أبو غريب) would confirm any peace conferences scheduled for the weekend. Shongugga-chonga-shonga-juhjuhjuh-chong, yourself.