Monday, November 21, 2005

Colbert table scraps

The Colbert Réport is in re-runs for the holiday week, leaving us to flounder about for a full ten days of untruthiness. Who knows what urban legends may proliferate without Stephen Colbert's wisdom, sagacity, and mismatched ears to protect us? For that matter, who will alert us to the ongoing threat posed by bears?

In honor of Thanksgiving, then, we will have to make do with table scraps from last week's show. Just think of your good friend Cousin Curveball as your diver into the Réport's dumpster of trustigiousness.

First of all, Reverend Al Sharpton promised to provide some "diet tips" for the Colbert Réport's web site, but I can't find them yet. As we head past Thanksgiving on our way to Chrismahanukwanzakah, we could all use some diet tips, and what better way to lose weight than through social activism? Seriously, I'd like to know what issues Rev. Sharpton thinks are most worthy of our attention. It could be anything from a "top five" threatdown-type listing up to a cross-referenced encyclopædia of social injustice. If you're looking for something to protest, there's no shortage of causes.

Secondly, Stephen aired some additional footage from his interview with Representative Barney Frank (D–MA). Apparently, Frank told the Boston Glob that the Réport was "a waste of television space," so Stephen countered by showing himself giving some behind-the-back jazz hands to Barney in a Capitol corridor. The obvious question is whether the footage was real or digitally toasted. The first check is the color of Stephen's tie, which does match the footage from the original 2005-10-27 broadcast of the 2005-09-22 interview; however, the tie could've been digitally altered. The interview as originally broadcast didn't include any scenes in the hallways, so it's difficult to say more. Much though it pains me to say it, I think we'll just have to take Stephen's word for it that the footage is authentic.

In any case, since the master journalist Jon Stewart will not be joining Stephen Colbert for Thanksgiving dinner — no doubt a result of the lingering bitterness over their feud, as reported here by yours truly, Cousin Curveball — we won't know anything more for at least a week. I call upon politicians of both parties to set aside their partisan mudslinging until such time as we can find out whether or not Stewart and Colbert can mend the tremendous chasm that divides them on this Thanksiest of Giving days. (Well, assuming they're still at each other's throats in three days.) Never mind the Pisralestinis, will there ever be peace between the warring tribes of Comedy Central?