Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Vote Yes on No!

The League of Irresponsible Election Satire (L.I.E.S.) urges you on this important election day to vote YES on No!

Consider the facts:
  • Any two-year-old "no-it-all" can tell you that No! is the best way to get Mommy and Daddy (or Mommy and Mammaw, or Daddy and Pawpaw) to do exactly what you want them to. It always works.

  • Dr. No is a criminal genius capable of taking on James Bond. No totally rocks, dude!

  • Yes Yes the clown had a hilarious sidekick named No No, making Alvin, Texas, a much richer cultural landscape in the late 1960's. Long live KVVV, channel 16. Your true fans will never forget you.

  • If you vote No on Yes, it's pretty much the same thing as voting Yes on No.

  • We need to replace those silly "complete the arrow" ballots with good old-fashioned bubble sheets like we used on the California Standard Tests of Iowaization. The winning side is whoever can make the dots into a Mickey Mouse face — just like the SAT!

  • String theory posits the existence of elementary strings on the scale of the Planck length, which is about 10–35 metres. That's much smaller than a breadbox.

  • Even if you list your phone number as 555–0123 on your voter registration, the Yes on No campaign will find you and call you with some doctor in Fresno County who shows up on your caller ID as being in Ann Arbor, Michigan. The Yes on No campaign has an absolute Constitutional right to hound you at all hours of the day and night, because we couldn't have a democracy without pre-recorded telemarketing.
In sum, Cousin Curveball wholeheartedly endorses the Yes on No campaign. Remember to vote early and often!