Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Damn you, Jon Stewart — LET MY CORDDRYS GO!

Just because the Vice President of the United States got cracked out on crystal meth and gunned down somebody who was wearing a gigantic neon sign, Jon Stewart of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart thinks he can get away with making the Corddry Brothers cool their heels in the soothing ultrasonic foot bath for eight days before allowing them to settle their blood feud. We should light a candle every day on the menorah to commemorate the Corddry Brothers' long wait to finally have it out on national television, Jerry Springer style. Would Nate Corddry triumph with his youthful reflexes and stylish savoir-faire, or would Rob Corddry's superior experience — of the world, of love, of battle, and most especially of fake news — carry the day?

Tuesday night, we found out. But would we still be as excited if the Academy Awards® were handed out more than a week late? Would the Stupor Bowl have the same impact if it got pushed back to a Wednesday afternoon in April? Jon Stewart proved that he hates our freedom by making us wait so long to see the Corddrys duke it out. And by not giving them a tub full of lime Jell-O®. And by allowing Nate to wear a shirt. Harrumph.