Thursday, May 19, 2011

 

Transcript: Jon Stewart's rap about Fox News

I only just saw last Wednesday's Daily Show, with Jon Stewart's slam of the Fox News coverage of the invitation for the rapper Common to perform at the White House. Since I didn't find this gem transcribed, here's the conclusion:
Yeah, yeah, this goes out to Fox News and all the pundits I address on tonight's show:
Yo, Fox, you create shocks, with no awe,
You dress like eagles,
But squawk like chickenhawks.
You're pigeons, on a statue,
Leaving little puddles of lie behind you.

Goin' after Obama,
A week after killin' Osama,
Creatin' drama,
Let me put in a comma,
A pause, because —
... I ... need ... a minute ... to think of
what to say, next, that would rhyme ...

You push bullshit!
The kind you find
Fall from a schnauzer's behind —
Have you lost your damned mind?
You got lazy, it's crazy,
Even Glenn Beck's leavin',
Cuz he thinks you're fergazy.

You still got Gretchen [Carlson] — she's fetchin',
But the truth that you're stretchin'
Leaves me retchin',
I'm not kvetchin' —
(Am I kvetching??)

[Sean] Hannity, Hannity, yo, Hannity:
Straight-up insanity,
Hey, Homes, let me take a momes,
To pour one out,
For Alan mother-fuckin' Colmes.

O'Reilly? Oh, really??
I know that you feel me,
Cuz I jokes to the folks
While you choke on that smoke.

Are you toke–ing — on weed??
That you got from [Brian] Kilmeade?
To push screed that misleads,
To plant seeds of mistrust,
That Miss Greta van Sust
... —ternenenenan just ran
On her show?? A night ago??
Cuz Megyn Kelly said so?

And you know I'm about to go,
So I'm tellin' yo' ass, yo:
Y'all blow!
Stew Beef out!!
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