An Ode to Larry Craig

I was really hoping to make this a YouTube™ video, in time for next week's Republican National Convention — particularly since the convention attendees will be arriving into Larry Craig's most favoritest airport in the whole wide world — but I can't sing worth beans and my vocalist backed out on me. So you'll just have to imagine the 1970's love ballad "Sometimes When We Touch" (music by Barry Mann, original lyrics by Dan Hill) behind these parody lyrics. Fair warning: there is some coarse sexual language.

You can do your own karaoke version by going to RedKaraoke.com (although today it seems determined to crash Firefox), or you can find audio files of the instrumental-only track or text files with the guitar chords on the web.

SOMETIMES WHEN WE CRAP

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on your big dick
I'd rather suck you furtively
'Cause you're just some random trick.
And who are you to judge me?
I said "I am not gay!"
You're only just beginning to see the games I play.

chorus:
And sometimes when we crap,
Our toes begin to tap,
And I have to lick my lips and smile.
I wanna suck you till you're dry,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna suck you, till the Queer in me subsides.

Politics and strategy
Leave me battling with Gay Pride.
But through the insincerity,
Hypocrisy survives.
I'm just another Senator,
Still trapped within my truth,
A hesitant cocksucker,
Still trapped within my booth.

And sometimes when we crap,
Our toes begin to tap,
Sitting with a wider stance and a smile.
I wanna suck you till you're dry,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna suck you, till the Queer in me subsides.

At times I'd like to fuck you,
And drive you on your knees.
At times I'd like to peek through,
And see you face-to-face.

At times I even envy you,
And I know what joy you've shared.
I've watched while Lust commands me,
And I've watched Love pass me by.

At times I think we're drifters,
Still waiting for a plane.
Chameleon shape-shifters,
But then the passion flares again.

And sometimes when we crap,
Our toes begin to tap,
And I have to lick my lips and smile.
I wanna suck you till you're dry,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna suck you, till the Queer in me SURVIVES!

Parody lyrics by Lincoln Madison, ©2008. Additional parody lyrics by Dolphyn. Set to the score of "Sometimes When We Touch," music by Barry Mann, original lyrics by Dan Hill, ©1977 Sony/ATV Songs LLC, Mann & Weil Songs, Inc., and Sony/ATV Tunes LLC, all rights reserved. Political parody is a Constitutionally protected form of free speech, but the original authors and copyright holders are in no way connected with the content of the parody.

Technorati tags: Larry Craig, Musical Parody, Politics, Republican National Convention, Minneapolis, Twin Cities

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