Monday, June 13, 2005

News Flash from Subic Bay, Derkderkistan

— Derka derka derka mensaje derka.
— Derka derka derka derka six months.
— Derka derka American boyfriend derka derka.
Yup, as many languages as I've dabbled in (mostly just a few words here or there), Tagalog still sounds the same to me as the Derkderkistani soldiers in Team America. All the same, I occasionally listen to the Filipino newscasts here in San Francisco. Between the Liberal sprinkling of English and Spanish words in a typical Filipino sentence and the general knowledge of what they're talking about from having already seen the news in English, I can get a fair idea of what they're saying, even if I don't know my Dalawampung from a Tagapangasiwa.

Right now, though, I'm watching the 1997 movie Goodbye, America, and finding its storyline entirely too timely for comfort. John Stryzack, a Navy military policeman at Subic Bay in the Philippines, played by Corin Nemec, sees America through the same eyes embodied by President George Walker Bush. [paraphrasing Stryzack from memory:] "You see over there? That used to be a 1300-foot [400-metre] mountain, but the United States decided it was in the way, so now it's gone. That's the kind of country I want to be a part of." If the locals aren't savvy enough to appreciate the opportunity to lick the boots of Americans, then damn them all to hell anyway. What the United States wants, the United States takes, whether that's your sister (or your daughter) as a prostitute for the pleasure of our men in those spiffy white sailor outfits (Woof!), or a naval base at Guantánamo Bay to use as a torture laboratory (hey — gotta learn which techniques really get results!), or every drop of dead dinosaur juice from underneath your worthless sand dunes. It's mine now, bitch! Boo-hoo. Whatcha gonna do, call the United Nations on us?? Maybe the Security Council will pass a strongly worded resolution condemning our rapacious greed.

Why does America think it is well served by having that kind of attitude in the White House? Why does America think it is well served by sending that kind of attitude to the United Nations? Why does America think it is well served by applying that kind of logic to our own people?

Why does America believe that the man who personifies that attitude is also a sincere Christian? Because he says that God really doesn't (wink, wink) hate homosexuals, he just doesn't want them to marry abortionists? Because he gives bread crumbs and stale tuna salad to the masses while serving cake and caviar to the moneychangers in the temple? You tell me.

Just a few random thoughts about the fight against the Barbars.