Monday, April 03, 2006

The Gwot and the Elgiis

I'm just sitting here, watching the 2005-12-01 episode of The Colbert Réport — part of the vast repository of knowledge that is the Third Path multimedia archives — with special guest former counterterrorism czar (and thus in theory Jack Bauer/Kiefer Sutherland's boss) Richard Clarke. Towards the end of the interview, Mr. Clarke gave us a little slice of insight into the mind of Donald Rumsfeld: we no longer have "insurgents" in Iraq, we have "enemies of the legitimate government in Iraq," or elgiis, whom we must defeat in order to win the Global War on Terror, or gwot.

Kind of reminds me of 7th-grade typing class, where we had to calculate our "gwam" (gross words a minute) to determine how quickly we could qwerty. That particular gwam has nothing to do with America's 53rd state (after D.C. and Puerto Rico), nor with the Long War, the Long Pork, the Global War on Extremism, or the Brilliant Anti-Armor Warhead System (BAT — a real DoD acronym!).

In fact, it has very little to do with anything, except Rummy's disconnection from reality. Hi, Mr. Rumsfeld, it's time for you to go home, or go visit some of your family in Germany, or go take a long walk off a short pier, but definitely get the hell out of the Pentagon.

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