Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Colbert endorses Obama

On Wednesday's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert used his "THE WØRD" setgment to officially issue his (tongue-in-cheek, yet serious) endorsement of Barack Obama for President. Embedded video and transcript below the fold....

Comedy Central, The Colbert Report, 2008-10-29, ©2008 Comedy Central

Nation, I have no choice but to respond to my fellow prominent conservatives [former Gov. William Weld (R–MA), Susan Eisenhower, Colin Powell, former Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan, former Rumsfeld advisor Ken Adelman] who have the gall to endorse Barack Obama, which brings me to tonight's WØRD: I endorse Barack Obama.
  • I Endorse Barack Obama
I know this is shocking and I can tell you're angry, but it is the only solution to what I see as a crisis. Namely, the crisis that these guys [Weld, Eisenhower, etc.] are getting attention and I'm not.
  • Dude, Your DNA Is In Space
It is time for the media to stop covering these has-beens and start covering this "is-being." [points to himself] I mean, all over the news yesterday, I'm hearing the words "William Weld." I believe the last time that name made news was when Elliot Spitzer used it to check into a hotel.
  • Only Protection He Used
They should be talking about me, because my endorsement of Obama just now took real courage: the courage to cross party lines, from a party that is a staggering mass of flaming agony to the party that looks like it's got a pretty good shot at winning this thing.
  • Someone Knock On Wood, I Have No Arms!
Wow, I am bold. I'm just gonna take a second here to drink myself in. Jimmy, can we get a long shot of me, please? [camera shifts] That's a good shot of me. So that's what I look like when I'm being bold.
  • This Is What I Look Like In Bold
Plus, if I endorse Barack Obama and he wins, I will be associated with a winner. And if there's one thing this campaign has taught us, it's that we are defined by our associations.
  • [graphic of Rev. Wright, Obama, Bill Ayers, and a chupacabra]
Oh, you'll find out all about Obama's relationship with the chupacabra this weekend. [stage whisper:] He launched his political career in its lagoon!
  • Fact Check: Chupacabra Is Desert Creature
And finally, this is a terrible economy, and we may all be out of work soon. Endorsing Obama means I'll be on his good side when I apply to get a job running the combine at the new national farm collective.
  • Only Crop: Arugula
And so, it is for all these reasons that I, prominent conservative Stephen Colbert, am hereby endorsing Barack Obama.
  • Not Enough To Lure Him Away From "The Daily Show"
Of course — [audience cheers] — Of course, folks, I just want to be clear: that does not mean I am voting for him. I am not crazy!
  • Also Not Registered
All right? There are plenty of things out there that you can endorse but not do anything to support.
  • Like The Constitution
For instance, in Japan I endorse a very popular energy drink called Pow Young Power Jogging Now Juice, but I would never drink it — it makes you poop Hello Kitties. No! I am voting for John McCain. He may be in an uphill struggle in these final days, but I believe he can still win. He just needs to do something to prove that he has the judgment to lead and knows where this country wants to go. [snaps fingers] You know what? I've got it: Senator McCain, you need to endorse Barack Obama. That will really make you look like a maverick.
  • [graphic of Stephen with a can of energy drink with Japanese text]

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