Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Jon Stewart on the Colbert Report

A few days ago on Faux FOX News The O'FrankenReilly Factor, comedian circus master journalist Geraldo Rivera made some disparaging remarks about Comedy Central, and specifically about The Daily Show and The Colbért Réport. The parentheticals are host Bill Oh'Really; the rest of the quote is Geraldo Rivera.

Comedy Central is now a big hit — Stewart and that Colbert guy (They do okay.) I mean, relatively, relative (They do okay.) They make a living putting on video of old ladies slipping on ice and people laughing. That's their life. That's their life. They exist in a small little place where they count for nothing. — Geraldo Rivera, 2006-08-02
Last Thursday, Stephen Colbert made a special appearance on The Daily Show to demand that Jon Stewart apologize to Geraldo. Last night, Stewart showed up on The Colbert Report.


Stephen Colbert [on last Thursday's 2006-08-10 Daily Show]: What are you trying to imply, Jon? That O’Reilly and Geraldo are narcissists enthralled in their own overblown egos, projecting their own petty insecurities onto the world around them, inventing false enemies for the sole purpose of bolstering their sense of self-importance, itty-bitty Nixons minus the relevance or a hint of vision?

John Stewart: [Colbert spelled Jon with an H as a dig at Stewart.] Stephen, I don't see why I have to apologize to Geraldo. It doesn't —

Stepan Coldbear: Jon. [long pause, setting up a soap-opera-style shot of Jon Stewart over Stephen Colbert's shoulder, both looking in the direction of the camera] Jon, why are you closing yourself off from Geraldo? He came to unlock the vault of your heart, and when he opened it, it was empty. An empty vault! And he had a camera crew — it was very embarrassing.

Jon: I really don't understand why —

Stephen: Well, maybe if you walked a mile in his shoes.

Jon: What, by fighting Danny Bonaduce for charity, or (No, Jon.) giving away troop movements (No, Jon.) in Iraq? I mean, I don't know —

Stephen: No, Jon: by walking a mile in his mustache. [places fake mustache on Jon's upper lip] ... Now do you understand? Now will you apologize?

Jon: Sh-sure. Uh, hey Geraldo! [in a flat tone of voice, gradually trailing off] I'm really sorry about the whole thing and ...

Stephen: Whew! Great! I'm glad you did that; I was afraid this was gonna be a "thing" between us. (No!) Okay, let's take you off the ["Called Out" dry-erase marker] board. Uh ... I do not have an eraser. You know what: hold on. [tears fake mustache off Jon Stewart's face, erases Jon's name with it, and then replaces it on Jon's face] Now, I know you're gonna want to get back to your monkey, so thanks for stopping by, Jon.

Jon: Thank you very much, Stephen. I appreciate it.

Stephen: Jon Stewart, everybody — a big man!
It's nice to see that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert can handle a little constructive criticism from their friends and fellow fake journalists Geraldo Rivera and Bill O'Reilly, and respond appropriately. FOX News is "a tale, told by idiots, full of sound and fury"; unfortunately, it signifies quite a lot.

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