Bush's iPod

Ah, those were easier days. Katrina was not even a glimmer in the eye of the equatorial Atlantic, Rehnquist was still steering the Court erratically rightwards, Dubya still had some candy eggs left in his Easter basket along with that yucky green plastic fake grass, I hadn't yet started a blog, and We the Peephole learned what President George Walker Bush keeps on his iPod.

Thanks to tonight's Jeopardy for bringing back those halcyon days, before 245 trillion Londoners were killed in that nuclear attack by Soviet al-Qaeda Saddam bin Laden.

I can sleep safely at night knowing that the Leader of the Free World has such fine music to help him through his difficult days.

• "Center Field" by John Fogerty. Dubya has a little bit of trouble finding Center Field, because he keeps looking between Right Field and Extreme Right Field. [I'm probably not the first to come up with that joke, but I don't know who was.]
  
• Kenny Loggins "Alive and Kickin'." Alex Trebek is still right: "Danger Zone" would be a better fit.
• "He Stopped Lovin' Her Today" by George Jones. Dubya darlin', I'll never stop lovin' you, 'cause there ain't no way in hell I'm ever gonna start!

Well, having been so close (geographically, at least) to the President on his summer vacation, and looking forward to giving him an excuse for a weekend drinking binge road trip out of Washington next weekend, I'd like to offer Curious George a few suggestions for beefing up his iPod. He has more than enough iPod space, and at $400K a year he can afford 99¢ a few times over. The titles link to the Apple iTunes Music Store so that the President's personal assistant can download them.

• "Winning the War on Drugs" by the Asylum Street Spankers. Bush probably knows the folks from the A.S.S. — because they're from Austin, Texas! And how could he resist tapping his toes to "Praise the Lord and pass the bong, we're winnin' the War on Drugs!"?
• Two songs from the Team America: World Police soundtrack: "America F**k Yeah" and of course "Freedom Isn't Free."
• A song to help Curious George get in touch with his inner chimpanzee, "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang. As an added bonus, the song is exactly 4 minutes and 20 seconds, which means George can listen to it three times on a 13-minute mile!
  
• "Bunnies," because, of course, George got the iPod right around Easter.
• Pink's beautifully spiritual hymn "God is a DJ," because God knows just what songs you need to hear right now.
• "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head," because sometimes Butch and Sundance have bad wars bank robberies days, too.
• "Our Day Will Come" (the Isaac Hayes version), because it's a beautiful song and a fine old gentleman in San Francisco still gets royalties for it, but also because your "day" has already come and gone.

There you go — wisdom, spirituality, laughter, and toe-tapping goodness, and if you give them $8 for 8 songs, you will get 8¢ back. It's magic, George! If you give them $5 for 5 songs, you get 5¢ back. If you give them $10 for 10 songs, how much do you get back?

Now, if you give Halliburton $37 trillion for a toilet seat and a coffee maker, how much interest will your great great great great grandchildren owe on the national debt?

Gosh, music and a math lesson, all in the same blog entry!