Can't Sum Up in 140 chars

(A little exercise in flow-of-tweetsciousness blogging...)

My brother cooked the Easter Bunny this year for Passover. The only time in my life I ever cooked rabbit — for Easter Sunday dinner, of course — I wound up in hospital a week later. Probably no direct connection there, but thank goodness I have a brother who can cook a fine rabbit dinner for me when a suitable occasion arises.

Stephen Colbert had a wonderful time tonight with the new "Passover Plagues" finger puppets you could actually purchase this year at Bed Bath & B—. Stephen expressed particular sympathy for the poor maligned "Death of the Firstborn Child" finger puppet. Stephen Colbert is back from hiatus with a tan, and he's gone from Applepious to Libertease, but he makes well-deserved jabs at Rush Limbaugh and Jim "Crème De Menthe" DeMint (R–SC), among others.

Here's "The Wørd" segment, or go to ColbertNation.com to watch the whole episode.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Napoleon Blown Apart
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Reform

One quick unsolicited endorsement: I am revisiting the sweet music of my friend Spencer Day's remarkable album Vagabond; "in stores now" (as they say) or on iTunes. Spencer Day is the proof that true poetry can still stand out, and that 21st-century songs can speak to something deeper than "wanna dance?" Modern Jazz isn't usually my style, but Spencer Day's smooth vocals and "genre-bending" scores launch his evocative lyrics over the moon.

Technorati tags: Easter Bunny, Stephen Colbert, Passover Finger Puppets, Rush Limbaugh, Jim DeMint, Spencer Day

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Colbert Distills Healthcare Partisanship (Transcript)

Quick transcript of Stephen Colbert’s insightful and incisive encapsulation of the sharp differences between Democratic and Republican viewpoints on healthcare reform, 2010-03-01 Colbert Report, copyright ©2010 Comedy Central. Embedded video and transcript below the fold.

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The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Health Care Marriage Counseling
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Skate Expectations

There are some people the President will sit down with any time: Congres­sional Repub­licans. On Thursday, he held a seven-hour televised summit on health­care. The only way it could’ve been more boring was if they were curling.

Now, folks, in the end, this summit gave us nothing — other than a tale to terrify genera­tions of children:

I even had one constituent [...] This poor woman had no dentures. She wore her dead sister’s teeth. — Rep. Louise Slaughter (D–NY)

And to this day, when the wind whips around the moor, you can still hear the teeth saying, “R-r-re­mem­ber to f-f-floss-s-s.”

Now, folks, with this “all-you-can-speak-nothing buffet,” I believe we missed an oppor­tu­nity to end the health­care stale­mate, because, to me, this summit seemed a lot like a seven-hour marriage coun­sel­ing ses­sion. And the reason there was no break­through is because one of the parties was not being emo­tion­ally honest. And I’m afraid in this case it was the Repub­licans. You see, Repub­licans and Demo­crats are like a hus­band and a wife. Now, clearly, the Repub­licans are the man, which means the Dem­o­crats are the woman — partly because they have no balls. And they’re in counseling because for the last year the Demo­crat wife has said she wants to have a baby, which is the health­care bill, and the Repub­lican husband is just saying what he thinks he ought to say. Listen to Repub­lican Eric Cantor (R–VA, House Minority Whip):

The reality is, Republicans do care about healthcare. — on NBC’s Meet the Press, 2010-02-21

We Republicans care about healthcare, just as the Democrats in this room. — at the Presi­den­tial healthcare summit, 2010-02-25

No, you don’t! If you did, you would’ve done something about it in the twelve years you ran Congress. Don’t hide your true feelings, guys! Repeat after me: “FUCK ’EM!” [audience cheers] If those “thirty” “million” “people” want health­care, let ’em get a better job, or join the Army, or go to Canada, or eat Flintstones^® vitamins — it’s not our problem. Stop. faking. care-gasms. [audience laughs] Who knows — maybe the Demo­crats don’t want this baby, either. I mean, if they really cared about the uninsured, don’t you think they would’ve tried Single Payer or the Public Option? Hell — they could’ve insem­­i­nated themselves with that 60-seat super­majority. It’s like a “legis­la­tive turkey baster.” And I’m begin­ning to think the only one who wants this baby here is the coun­se­lor, Dr. Obama. Of course he wants it: as soon as it’s born, they’re gonna name the baby after him.

But, Republicans, I know if you admit you don’t want to be the father of this legis­la­tion, you’re afraid people will think you’re a monster. But isn’t it better for people to think you’re a monster than know you’re being dis­honest?? So pull out, guys. [audience laughs]

Besides — you’re never gonna get pregnant while both of you are in bed with the insur­ance companies.

Technorati tags: Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert, Healthcare Bill, US Politics, President Obama, Eric Cantor, Republican Party, Democratic Party

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