Monday, September 11, 2006

Happy 9/11!

Yes, folks, it's that time of year again, the joyous anniversary of the day that made President George W. Bush look foolish. After all, that's what we in the "Hate America First" brigade live for: seeing our Commander-in-Chimp look bad, no matter the cost to our nation. In fact, now that the statute of limitations has probably run out, we at ABC News can reveal the truth: there were no hijackers! Yes, the Democratic National Committee had special remote-control overrides on the airliners, allowing Michael Moore himself to pilot the jets into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. That little mishap with the fourth jet was a "woops" when Moore inadvertently hit A B A A B (dive!) instead of A B A B B (take out Three Rivers Stadium). It could have happened to anyone — well, except maybe that guy Fata1ity.

In the ensuing five years, President Bush has exceeded our wildest dreams in making himself look foolish. How could we possibly have known he would so nimbly squander the world's goodwill, launch a pre-emptive war against the wrong enemy, and cement his place in the history books as the worst President ever in United States history? Yup, he's done a heckuva job. He should definitely get a Presidential Medal of Freedom.

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